Thursday, January 22, 2015

Worse Than Winter Blues

The Runner’s Blues. If that is a thing, if not than it totally should be because it sucks.
After therapy I would say that what helped me cope with my eating disorder was jogging. And I am talking about actually jogging, not that 2 miles and part 1, 2, & 3 of the Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred all in one go that I used to put myself through due to my disordered thinking. I am talking about putting on your favorite Pandora playlist (Britney Spears or Adam Lambert for me!), carrying your water bottle, and destroying your favorite hiking trail kind of jog. Once a week to keep me balanced & on the bad days where I felt like the world was caving in on me. Sunny or foggy, jog until you need to take a break and then happily do without thinking that you need to force yourself.

Jogging became my outlet & with it came a healthier me both physically and mentally.

So when I fucked up my knees (or realized how terrible they are) on a skiing trip in December and was told to lay off the running you can imagine how disappointed I was.

I ate too much food because I was trying to fill a void, I tried to do some in-home workouts only to feel weak and unmotivated to ever finish them, that is if I worked out. I even stopped doing morning and night yoga that I’ve been doing for months!

I wore a cloud over my head and didn’t even try to step out from it. That’s where I’ve been for the past week, unable to look in a mirror kind of weakness. Not because I am relapsing but because I just can’t recognize myself. Over dramatic. I know. But you have to understand I can’t run anymore, I chopped my hair off, and I now need reading glasse. So I had a pitty week and stayed offline.

But now the semester started, and I’ll admit that doing homework and studying is a bit therapeutic for me because I used to dive into a pile of food and self pity whenever I had a bad day, let alone week. I went back to school shopping and bought anything that I wanted, colored pens and highlighters and $8 worth of mechanical pencils… even though I survived the entire last semester with just one alone.
So that’s the end of my silence, be prepared for an influx of posts as I am sure a week of silence will lead to a long time of chatting away!

Be Strong. Be Lovely. Be You.

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